I wish I could say I had a terrible childhood and because of that I made poor choices. I wish I could blame my parents, my friends, my teachers at school, anyone, for the decisions I made. Unfortunately, I can’t.
I accepted Christ when I was nine years old. I accepted him as my Savior but I did not make him the Lord of my life. I wanted Christ but I wasn’t willing to let him have control over everything in my life.
Skip ahead to my senior year of high school I met a young man who was a senior in college. I really can’t explain everything that happened in the year and a half we dated but in no way should I have married him. But I did, after my freshman year in college. I was too young and very naive.
No one thought we should marry including me but for some reason I felt I could not get out of it. There were so many red flags but I ignored them. I should have seen it coming; I should have known it wouldn’t last.
Invitations had been sent. Gifts had been given. I thought I couldn’t back out.
Let me just say this, if anyone is on the verge of getting married and for any reason you feel it’s not God’s best for you, don’t do it. Marriage is too sacred. It’s much better to go through the pain of breaking an engagement than breaking a marriage. Spoken from someone who knows!
The next four and a half years while I was married were very difficult. I will not go into detail, but it was not a home I would want to raise Courtney and Cory in. It was certainly not the childhood I had had.
In 1990, I realized I could not stay in the marriage any longer so Courtney and Cory and I moved in with my parents. The reasons I left were biblical reasons but I still felt like a failure.
I was 23 years old, divorced and had a three year old and a two year old.
Honestly, I was devastated. I felt I had messed up so bad that no one would ever want me and surely God could never use me. My relationship with the Lord had been luke warm and I was certain he was through with me……….
Thankfully, I had family and friends who loved me and encouraged me. My Mom and my sister, Traci were huge influences in my life. They reminded me that no matter what I had done, Jesus could and would forgive me if I would surrender to Him.
I remember distinctly laying in bed beside Courtney and Cory’s bed and re-dedicating my life to Christ. I admitted I had been doing things my way and I had failed miserably. I needed Christ to lead and direct my life.
I had no idea what God had planned for Courtney and Cory and I but I was going to follow Him. More than anything I wanted my children to see Christ in me so they too would accept him as their Lord and Savior.
During the next year I got involved in church, I began studying His word, and I began to really fall in love with Jesus.
About a year after my divorce I got a call from a young man, who was the Minister of Music and Youth at a local church. I had met him a few months before and thought he was cute but I knew he was a minister and didn’t think he would ever be interested in me.
What I didn’t know was, he was interested and had been praying for several months before asking me out. He knew I was divorced and I had two children and if we were to fall in love it would change the course of all of our lives……and it did! (Wayne always says it was Courtney and Cory he fell in love with first! )
The next several months were the best and some of the most difficult few months of my life. Wayne and I got engaged but unfortunately not everyone thought we should marry.
Wayne and I continued to seek the Lord and prayed, Romans 8:31, “If God is for us who could be against us?” (we actually had this verse inscribed in our wedding bands).
Let me say this before going on, not in any way am I saying divorce is the easy way out. Malachi 2:17 says, “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel. Believe me, if anyone can understand this, I can. My sin has been forgiven but the consequences of my sin have been painful. I know why God hates divorce!
We obviously did get married and we truly believe God put us together for a reason. We are a testimony of God’s grace.
A much younger Wayne and Cyndi on our wedding day in October.
God has been faithful and has blessed us more than we could ever have imagined. Wayne is currently the Senior Pastor of a Baptist church and I continue to
Walk in His Grace……..